


Inherent Stability

by seashadows



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, LiveJournal Prompt, M/M, Originally Posted on LiveJournal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 11:44:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seashadows/pseuds/seashadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy is a doctor, but there's only so much he can heal. His own mind doesn't fall into that category.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inherent Stability

Sometimes, it wouldn’t come upon him. If Jim insisted on staying in their room on a Saturday night – “aw, come on, Bones, if you’re not going, I’m not going, either” – or if, miraculously, Joanna commed him, then sometimes he wouldn’t cry as he fell asleep. But most nights, at the Academy or on the Enterprise, he ended up trying (and failing) to hold back hot, bitter tears of anger and depression.  
  
It was ironic, really, when one cared to look at it; Leonard McCoy absolutely _hated_ crying. It felt constricting rather than relieving, and whenever he looked in the mirror afterwards – he wasn’t vain, but when Jim Kirk put up a full-length mirror in the dorm room, you looked – he always saw the same thing: a red-eyed, teary fuck-up. Couldn’t do anything right; not marriage, not medicine, not even a simple goddamn romance.  
  
 _Waste of space._  
  
“Bones? _Boooones?_ ” Kirk’s hand waving in front of his face jerked McCoy out of the train of thought that had become all too frequent recently. “I’m gonna eat your roll, Bones.”  
  
“Keep your hands off my food,” McCoy snapped, and slapped Kirk’s hand away. “You eat too much refined flour as it is, and I haven’t had lunch.”  
  
“Aw, but I’m _hungry_ ,” Kirk said, his voice lowering a few notches into something suspiciously close to a whine. “Don’t you have some other food in this office?”  
  
“Get outta here,” McCoy said in reply. Goddamn kid wouldn’t know a healthy, balanced diet if it came up behind him and bit him in the well-shaped, attractive ass… _fuck_. He was in love with James Tiberius Kirk, and the man in question had a pointy-eared, hobgoblin _boyfriend_.  
  
As though to emphasize this very point, the next words out of Kirk’s mouth had to do with the green-blooded bastard. “Spock doesn’t eat a lot of that stuff, either. He’s like you, Bones.” Kirk swung his feet against McCoy’s desk, which he’d been told repeatedly to get his ass off of, but did he ever listen? _No._  
  
“I’m takin’ that as an insult,” McCoy said. “Don’t compare me to the hobgoblin if you know what’s fucking good for you.” Every. Damn. Time. Every time the kid started to blabber on about _Spock this_ and _Spock that_ , McCoy was painfully reminded of how _he_ hadn’t acted quickly enough to get there. Spock was a handsome man – Vulcan – thing – and although it hurt to admit it, Kirk wasn’t going to leave him any time soon.  
  
“Well, jeez,” Kirk said with a whistle. “What crawled up into your pants and died today, Bones?”  
  
“Nothin’.” Well, wrong answer _there_. “None of your business,” McCoy hastily corrected himself. “Stop grillin’ me, all right? You got work to do, and so do I.”  
  
“Bones?” Oh, of all the – Kirk just _had_ to put a goddamn hand on his shoulder, did he? Had to look at him with those blue eyes all concerned…and McCoy was most definitely fucked. “Is something wrong?”  
  
“No.” As much as he was a goddamn crybaby every night, he didn’t cry during the _day_ , and most definitely not in front of James Tiberius Vulcan-Fucker Kirk. “I _said_ leave me the hell alone.”  
  
“I think it _is_ my business,” Kirk insisted. “I can go get Spock and –“  
  
Oh, that just took the goddamn _cake_. “No, you’re _not_ gettin’ Spock. I don’t want that _fuckin’_ hobgoblin anywhere near me. Bad enough he’s near you, but I ain’t about to stoop to it!” He could hear his accent thicken as he shouted, but frankly, he didn’t give a damn. “I love you, you bastard, and if you didn’t know that, you’re even more of’n idiot than I thought.” And _there_ were the tears – welling up, blurring Kirk’s image so that McCoy could barely see his expression change from concern to shock.  
  
“Bones?”  
  
“I’m outta here.” McCoy pushed past Kirk, not caring if he left a bruise on either of them.  
  
“But – “  
  
“Don’t bother.” Shaking voice, blurred vision – why’d he have to be like this? He didn’t need Kirk’s pity. Kirk wouldn’t even _bother_ to pity him, the worthless one.  
  
McCoy barely managed to get through sickbay and to his quarters, to lock the door behind him, before he curled up on his bed, tears running down his face. His weak, undesirable, loveless face, just like the rest of him. No wonder Kirk’d let him leave so easily – he would never love him, never want him.  
  
He didn’t know how long he lay there, shaking, before he heard the knock on his door. “Bones?” And, right on schedule, here was Kirk to gloat at him.  
  
“Let me alone,” McCoy growled. He didn’t need to see those blue eyes narrowed at him in derision.  
  
“Let me in or I’m coming in anyway.” Kirk’s voice had hardened, confirming McCoy’s suspicions. This was going to be goddamn unpleasant, and no mistake.  
  
“Fine,” he said, defeated. “Come in.” _Might as well get it over with._  
  
He kept his eyes closed, even as he heard Kirk’s footsteps and felt a weight on the end of his bed, and a hand on his back. “Bones?”  
  
McCoy opened his eyes, a little curious now in spite of himself. “Yeah, Jim, I - _fuck_.” Of all the ridiculous…Kirk just _had_ to bring the hobgoblin with him, didn’t he? Talk about rubbing salt in a fucking open wound. “Come to gloat, you green-blooded computer?”  
  
“I have not,” Spock replied, and McCoy may not have been good at reading his nonexistent facial expressions, but he could still tell that the Vulcan wasn’t lying. _Huh_. “Jim told me of your outburst.”  
  
Just _great_. He was about to be humiliated and then systematically killed by a jealous Vulcan. “Yeah?”  
  
“Bones, I seriously didn’t know,” Kirk told him, and then there was a gentle hand under McCoy’s chin, forcing him to look into his friend’s face. “Holy _shit_ , I…I made you cry?” The realization that no laughter was forthcoming very nearly made McCoy’s eyes fill again, but he managed to control it this time.  
  
“No.” He looked away, down at his knees rather than at either Kirk or Spock. “There’s…there’s a lot of things that…it’s not just you.” How could he explain the feelings that tormented him every night? How could he express how small and insignificant he felt in the face of the greatness around him, greatness that hadn’t had their only child torn away? “Happens at night, usually.”  
  
“Wait. At night?” Even without looking at him, McCoy could hear the realization flow into Kirk’s mind. Kid was a _genius_ , after all, even if that label was attached to ‘-level repeat offender.’ “You mean at the Academy, when you didn’t talk…”  
  
“Yeah, then. It was kind of…a little like depression. Almost.” He wasn’t clinically depressed; he could tell, even if he’d never taken the trouble to get diagnosed properly. Just sad, and tortured by a bad past and a worse present. “Sorry. I never…”  
  
“Shh,” Kirk interrupted, and McCoy felt strong arms wrap around his waist and shoulders, pulling him in close against his captain’s warm body. “God, Bones…c’mere.” For one of the first times in his life, he obeyed – just let Kirk hold him, like he’d wanted him to do for years. Hold him and _then_ fuck him senseless, but that wasn’t coming, not with Spock in existence. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”  
  
McCoy shrugged, speaking into the gold-clad shoulder against which he rested. “Didn’t think it’d do any good. And then…well, Spock. You and Spock. I didn’t want to bother you.”  
  
“ _Bother_ me?” He felt Kirk shift, hold him at arm’s-length; he looked into the blue eyes almost cautiously, but didn’t see any sign of anything _bad_. “Bones, if you’d’ve told me, I could’ve done this earlier.” And then his mouth was on McCoy’s, hot and wet, greedy as McCoy’d seen him in the dozens of sexiles to which he’d been subjected. But now Kirk was greedy for _him_.  
  
He pulled away only with a great amount of difficulty. “Wait a damn minute, Jim… _hobgoblin?_ Relationship?”  
  
Kirk’s eyes were so dilated that they were barely blue anymore, but he could still talk. Amazing. “Not just me, Bones. Spock…we both want you. Right, Spock?”  
  
“Indeed.” The hobgoblin’s hand was firm and warm on McCoy’s shoulder, prompting the doctor to turn around and look at _him_ \- had to check for sincerity. “A construction of three legs is more inherently stable than a construction of two.”  
  
“Fuck stability,” McCoy said, and was surprised to see Spock’s ears and cheeks turn green. He _liked_ that, eh? Well, how ‘bout this? “Fuck science, and _fuck_ logic.”  
  
“What about _you_ , Bones?” Kirk took him by the shoulders and spun him around to face him (if all this whipping around continued, McCoy was going to give himself whiplash, goddammit). “Please, can we fuck you?”  
  
“At the same _time?_ ” Figured that the first words out of his mouth after being propositioned were idiotic. He’d bottomed before, a couple times, but Kirk _and_ Spock? “I don’t know…”  
  
“Not at the same time.” Kirk leaned forward and kissed him again, running his tongue across McCoy’s lips in a way that had McCoy wanting to jump him then and there. “Hey, Spock?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Okay if I fuck him? I mean, he was my friend first, and I don’t think he likes you all that much. Yet.” McCoy was distracted by the complete surrealism of the situation by the fact that Kirk had slid a hand down and was now groping him through his pants. _Jesus H. Christ._ “Whoa, Bones, you’re _hung_.”  
  
“I’m _hard_ , y’idiot,” McCoy retorted. “There’s a difference.” Truth be told, the idea of Jim Kirk fucking him was…appealing enough to make him nearly come in his pants at the contact with Kirk’s hand. Wasn’t he last a teenager, oh, about twelve years ago? “Hobgoblin? What do you think?”  
  
“I am not averse to Jim penetrating you, if I may orally and manually explore your body as well,” Spock said, and _damn_ , maybe McCoy liked him a little more now. His cock certainly liked him.  
  
“Go ahead, Jim.” _Head_ \- how coincidental. And Kirk must’ve been really filtering into his thoughts, if he was using his mental innuendoes.  
  
“Fuckin’ A. Arms up, Bones.” McCoy obliged him, and before he knew it, Kirk had taken his shirt off and was eagerly kissing him again. And…and there was a hand on his nipple that was too hot to be Kirk’s. “Oh, hey, Spock. Come to join the party?”  
  
“Indeed,” Spock answered, and then there was a moist heat on McCoy’s nipple that made him close his eyes and moan. “Fascinating.” That hot hand rolled the other nipple between a thumb and forefinger, slowly and teasingly.  
  
“ _God_ ,” McCoy ground out, one hand reaching out, groping until it found Kirk’s…Kirk’s _head_. Which was between his knees. “Jim. What’re you…?”  
  
“Just a little prep,” Kirk replied, too fucking cheerful for a man who was likely still hard. Dexterous hands unzipped McCoy’s pants and gripped the waistband of his boxers, pulling both down until they pooled around his ankles. “ _Shit_ , Bones. Your dick is fucking awesome.” And then Kirk’s _mouth was on him_ \- a warm, sucking pressure that involuntarily threw McCoy’s head back in pleasure.  
  
“Jim…” he groaned, and raked a hand through Kirk’s hair, if only to reassure himself that this wasn’t a dream. His hips bucked up at the double sensations: warmth on his nipples and on his cock, eager and skillful. “J-Jim…Spock, I…” He seemed to have lost his ability to speak coherently, yet he didn’t mourn the loss.  
  
“Hold on,” Kirk said, and kissed him deeply before working his own pants down over his hips. “Just – do you have any lube?”  
  
“Bedside table,” McCoy replied, and cast around, his hand grasping Spock’s. Why did he want to _touch_ the hobgoblin now? Maybe Kirk was right, and he’d grow to like him, even if – “ _Goddammit!_ ” The slide of a slick finger into his ass cut off his thoughts in a most pleasant way, and he squeezed Spock’s hand hard, relishing the gasp of pleasure. He’d have to research Vulcan erogenous zones if they were going to do this again.  
  
“Mm. You like that, Bones?” Kirk’s face above him was wearing its usual smirk, of course, but there was something else there now. Affection. McCoy could see that, even as Kirk added another finger, and another, stretching him until he couldn’t take any more teasing.  
  
“Jim, _fuck_ me already,” he commanded. Screw the chain of command; that was an _order_ , goddammit.  
  
“Yeah.” And then Kirk was _inside_ him, and all three of them were making incoherent noises – Spock had to be taken care of, somehow; maybe Kirk’d grabbed him - in two different languages. McCoy could hear Vulcan words coming out of Spock’s mouth, and he liked the sound of them.  
  
Maybe it was only because it was the first time – he liked to think he had a little more stamina than that – but before long McCoy was coming, groaning and clenching around Kirk’s cock like he’d never let go of it, and Kirk and Spock weren’t far behind. At the feel of wetness in his ass and against his stomach, his vision went honest-to-God black.  
  
He came to several minutes later, and almost immediately realized that there was wetness on his face. “Sex is a goddamn mess,” he mumbled, and lifted a hand to get the stuff off his face. “Wrapped in darkness’n silence.”  
  
“No – Bones, that’s not – what’s wrong?” Kirk’s eyes were worried as he swiped at McCoy’s cheeks with his thumbs. “Did we hurt you?”  
  
 _Oh_. Tears again. “No. Nothing’s wrong,” he said, leaning back into Kirk and Spock’s embrace; the hobgoblin was spooning him from the right, but he didn’t mind. “It’s good.” Since when did he cry when he was happy? Had to be Kirk’s goddamn fault, somehow.  
  
“Want us to stay?” Kirk murmured into his neck. “Tonight?”  
  
“Yeah.”


End file.
